the flower stone

A stone is staying under the sea happily. The sea is her comfort zone; the stone is safe in the sea. Every stone will transform into a brilliant flower. But if after the stone turn into flower, she will being attacked by insect and strong wind. Insect will eat her leafs and wind will makes her sick.   So the stone refuses to turn herself into flower, she chooses to stay in her comfort zone. Then the leaf around the stone encourages her, give her support. Day by day, by the nutriment of the leaf, the stone willing to risk herself and become seedling at last.

I actually didn’t think much of what I want to draw after I draw a stone in beginning of the story. So let the feeling leads me. Instead of drawing an ordinary stone, I want the stone to be different. Because I love something that is special, that is out of ordinary. It also represent each of us is special and unique. For me, sea reminds me about freedom and calm, so I think it is the best place for the storm to stay; hiding under the sea. When I was asked to think of the mission for the stone, I really can’t think of any of them. What does the mission a stone ever had? == Again, let my unconscious lead me. Draw whatever that comes into my mind- a flower. It might be sound ridiculous for a stone to become a flower, but the thing I like about arts is I can throw away all the logical thinking and give free rein to my imagination.

Then I realize, I am the stone. For me, stone is strong, did not show up its weakness and emotion and keep everything inside. I see myself as a stone in the past. I can be very tough, efficient and independent in order to protect myself from being hurt. I thought it was a right choice to make but I started to lose my heart.  I set a very strong boundary between myself and others, just like detached personality. The only thing is know is I must protect myself.

But then, I see the purpose of my life in to love. There’s something that only Eve alone can offer to this world. I draw a flower to represent the beauty that only women can give to this world. The beauty does not refer to the appearance but something internality. I have to admit that I am social creatures who yearn to belong. And here come the challenge; to love we have to open up ourselves and its risk taking. We might be hurt, rejected and disappointed. Just like the insects will eat the leaf and the leaf will lose part of itself.  The leaf represents God and the good friend around me.   They encourage me in order to love and loved, I have to risk myself. God will be my resource to love and to open up my heart. At last, the stone begin to sprout. I now manage to open up myself and express my love to people. 

Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. 

<Anais Nin>

After I complete the last drawing, I come to realize it’s not a stone, it’s a seed.

I’m not a stone, I’m a seed who meant for blooming =)

ALS task

after having skype meeting on Friday night, we decided to conduct school refusal program for standard one student. 

Aims: help school refusing children (standard 1) to feels good about their school.

Assessment: Children are screened regarding their suitability for the program. Information is collected from the family and school in order to specify the problems and clarify the situation.

Who: standard one student. (Get permission from school and parents, parents can accompany their children during the program so that the participants did not get nervous or anxious)

Number of the participant: around 10 people

When: school holidays in March (choose one day from10/3-17/3)

Where: their own school

How: station game. We will set 8 stations in the school and participants have to go station by station. By doing so, they indirectly walk around the school and get familiar with the school. We also would like to let the participants realize that school can be so much fun.

Follow up: Children are assessed at various follow-up periods after the program. This involves interviews and assessment of school attendance.

beyond the words

ling, adolescence, Chinese girl but she looks like little girl with the age of 8 or 9 because she is so teeny weeny. This is my first impression about Ling. I show her matryosh doll to bring up her interest and pass her another matryosh doll to let her try to open it. But she seems to find difficult to open the matryosh doll because she not have energy to open it.

I playing with her as she is a 9 years old girl and I feel comfortable about it. I react with how she interacts with me in the present without thinking much about how her behavior is incongruent with her biology age. Furthermore, her behavior did not remind me that she is actually adolescence. She is playing with the dollhouse and starts to put furniture into the dollhouse without further consider whether the furniture is being able to fix into the dollhouse. For example, the sofa might be too big to put into the dollhouse but she still wants the sofa to be in the house. After the dollhouse chocked up with furniture, I take one small matryosh doll to represent myself and invite her to take one figurine to represent herself. I believe each figurine we choose contain special meaning or reminds us something. She chooses a white girl with gorgeous outlook but after a while she changes it to another figurine with short black hair and skinny girl.  The first thing she do after taking the new ‘her’ is take out the bag on the doll. (The doll is carrying a bag) Even though I tried to ask question but she only answer me with her smiling face and either nod or shake her head.

 But after we play for some times, she started to take the imitative to interact with me by giving some of the furniture from her doll house. (My little matryosh doll has a house too) She just playing at one corner and is surround by toys. So I ask her if she want to move to another place in the room. She agreed and we take ‘ourselves’ to another toy cabinet and pretending our school is there. She choose aeroplane as her transport to travel from her house to the school; I tell her that I need to take more time because I don’t have aeroplane and have to walk back home. For the next time we go to school, she passes me a car. I ask her is it this is the transport for me so that I don’t have to ‘walk’ to school. Ling nods her head. =) For ‘the next day’, Ling again takes the initiative to come to my ‘house’ and go to school together. I told her that ‘I’ was sick, not able to go school with her. She immediately takes medicine from the toy cabinet for me. This makes me feel that she is a very caring girl. Keshini interact with Ling by using soft toy, she did not show any sigh of resistance. She then took another doll with long hair and she takes away the necklace on the doll.  I immediately linked this to she took away the bag hang over another doll. I wonder if she does not want anything to be on the doll. Ling even invites ‘me’ to stay in her dollhouse together with her. This makes me feel that our distance is getting closer even though she still remains silent. Our connection is there even we didn’t talk.  

As i doing my ALS homework about "empathy", a sentence that I want myself to remember is ' Reading about a feeling and intellectually knowing about it is very different than actually experiencing it for yourself.' In order to practice empathy toward others, it important for me to emotionally connected with others.In the past, I used to kept an emotional distance with others. I afraid of invest too much emotional toward others might cause me a lot of troubles like I might not being able to hold impersonal attitude about an issue . I know how myself will react and respond to other's emotion, that's why I will limit myself for being too emotionally involve with others. But now, as I learn how to open up myself, I started to adjust myself. Just as regulation of boundary in Gestalt theory. 

2nd ALS

As we came to discussed about the program we going to conduct, Alex reminds us about the three main core of a program/group process : warm up, main activity and closure. Tuckman's stages of group developmental model (forming, storming, norming, performing and mourning) is something new for me but the concept is very similar with developmental stages of group counselling by Corey (pre-group, initial, transition, working and final stage).  The purpose of warm up is to physically and mentally prepare the participants for the main activity, thus the warm up must be related to the main activity. We are asked to really put into practice how we'll conduct the warm up for a group of adolescence. During the practice, Alex emphasizes on how is the process of the warm up rather then what is the program all about, how we facilitate the group. What been taught by Alex is much more deeper than the concept I used to know about warm up. I choose eagle to represent my favourite animal; it reminds me about one bible verse 'but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

session1

mixed feelings

We finally decided to focus on orphan as our project participant. Our objective is help them to develop better social skills, from these they can connect with others effectively. The program will last for one month with four different sub themes will be conducted each week.


Today is my first time went to hospital for play intervention with patient. I never think of how myself will respond when playing or interact with them. But when I really sit next to them and talk,play with them, I feel pity for them;they are so young and have to experience all these pains by their own. A very strong compassion feeling raised in me when I talk to a leukaemia patient. I wonder what kind of feelings she had, does she afraid of it? She looks so calm. Again, this reminds me that we shouldn't take thing for granted, be grateful with what you have and appreciate it. I know I was there not just play with them, but with our interaction I believe play intervention uniquely responsive to children's developmental needs. We are not only interacting with children patient there but their parents as well. But when I listen to one of the patient's mother sharing, I wonder how should I respond. I mind was stuck, I was lack of words. 


For the first time being there, I take this as an opportunity to explore what is it play intervention all about, building relationship with children patient there. I understand is not easy to work with children patients. I know I will experience up and down depending on the patient's condition. I pray that God will comfort and strengthen them as they go through their lives.  

targeted group?

during our short discussion for ALS task, we have decided to take children as our participant so our program will focus on children's needs. As I do research on children in Malaysia, I still think that it is 'children's need' is a far and wide topic. To be more specify, I suggest kids from orphanage. By  narrow the range, we can best serve the population. When I think about orphan, the first thing I concern is how they sees themselves, their level of self-esteem. How our program can help them? I think this is something that we have to come together and give opinion about it.  But then this is just my opinion and suggestion, others might have other concern regarding to our targeted population.

oh and, happy valentine.. =)

hi, CCAT

Wow, I still can't believe that it can be so much fun on my first day of intern. Before that  a lot of worries came into my mind. How does the environment looks like, how about the people there, I thought is going to be a lot of rules and regulations and 'fixed office working hour'. (That's why I was surprised when been told I do not have to come to the office on the next day) It was really out of my expectation.

The first thing we did is introduce ourselves by using visual card. I like this. By using visual card, we can share more personal things about ourselves rather than just 'giving information' (e.g your name, hometown, marital status..). After choosing the three cards that represent myself, I was thinking do I really have to share that much about myself? This is just the first day. But then another thought came into my mind, 'Since I'm going to spend my four months here, why not I fully commit myself into this self-growth training program?' Thus, I use the same cards and share how it make sense to me.   I  like arts not just because it's my hobby but it can help me to think or share in creative way. During the ice breaking session, we not just sharing but learning at the same time. We are given the chance to summarise other's sharing. This makes me feel like every sharing is a learning opportunity. Another personal learning for me is pay full attention to every single sharing by others, active listening not just happen to my clients. =.=

After getting clearer picture about the Action Learning Set, we proceed to our training. I have learn about 'Empathy, Unconditional Positive Regard and Congruence' before but never really go deep into it and demonstrate it in class. So today training session really help me learn a lot and become more aware about how my nervous influence my connection with my client. I was so effected by what Alex's narration about Saul's background, when Saul come to me I tend to focus on what is writing on Alex's note rather than what 'Saul' is telling me. But I thank God that this happen during my training session and not real counselling session. I'm so grateful that Alex correct me on the spot. I have to admit that I was so anxious to giving the correct respond in stead of stay connect with my client's emotion. Some times in session, we do not have to bring the client to some where else by asking facilitative questions, we just have to stay empathetic. Another reminder for myself: your proficiency does not being evaluated by the speed of your speech.

Plenty of information and knowledge I need to digest. Cool.